You know those days when you look in the mirror and you wished you hadn’t?
You know those days when you look in the mirror and you wished you hadn’t? Or those times you’re in a photo and everyone else looks great and you see yourself and cry a little bit afterwards? Yeah, I’m having a lot of those lately. Grant and I are on holiday in Asia, so there are plenty of photos being taken. And it’s hot, like really hot, I’m wearing my favourite shorty shorts and dresses. I don’t know why but I can’t be happy in my own skin. I see photos and cringe, I see myself in the mirror and feel fat or I notice the big pores on my face. I think I’m less of a woman because I don’t have big breasts, and there was that time Grant thought it would be funny to show me his ex on Facebook and I knew he was slumming-it dating me. Oh and the thing I hate the most, my neck.
These are the thoughts I’m dealing with every day at the moment. Some people use yoga, or meditation, some have surgeries or cover up with make up, some people make goals at the gym to be someone new in a few months, & some even hide away from the world to make the pain go away. I haven’t found a way to go. I don’t know how to start changing my thoughts. Do I even need to address them? Or can I call this a stage that will be over when I get back home?
What I do know is that I am not fat, I’m far from it - but I do suffer from bloating. I do know that having a clear face with big pores is better than a face full of acne. And I do know that I don’t look like the girls on social media, on tv or magazines, or even an ex girlfriend who I know Grant doesn’t love, so why I am comparing myself to them? Yes I’m on holiday, and if you know me you’ll know I like routine. Being away from my things, my home and my comforts is hard.
But being on holiday is amazing! I just can’t seem to enjoy the shake up. We’ve traveled extensively through Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand. 3 countries where women everyday work harder than in most of the western world just to eat. They don’t have time for beauty or fashion. So now I’m being selfish. My first world problems. At least I have money for food and water, and a clean dry home waiting for me. But I’m sweaty and my hair is a mess. And I don’t look good in the photos that will become our memories... the battle is real!
I hope I can update you soon with a happier outlook. Or a before and after photo of the surgeries...I will at least write a little about the holiday (without depressing internal dilemmas) in the next post.
These are the thoughts I’m dealing with every day at the moment. Some people use yoga, or meditation, some have surgeries or cover up with make up, some people make goals at the gym to be someone new in a few months, & some even hide away from the world to make the pain go away. I haven’t found a way to go. I don’t know how to start changing my thoughts. Do I even need to address them? Or can I call this a stage that will be over when I get back home?
What I do know is that I am not fat, I’m far from it - but I do suffer from bloating. I do know that having a clear face with big pores is better than a face full of acne. And I do know that I don’t look like the girls on social media, on tv or magazines, or even an ex girlfriend who I know Grant doesn’t love, so why I am comparing myself to them? Yes I’m on holiday, and if you know me you’ll know I like routine. Being away from my things, my home and my comforts is hard.
But being on holiday is amazing! I just can’t seem to enjoy the shake up. We’ve traveled extensively through Vietnam, Cambodia and Thailand. 3 countries where women everyday work harder than in most of the western world just to eat. They don’t have time for beauty or fashion. So now I’m being selfish. My first world problems. At least I have money for food and water, and a clean dry home waiting for me. But I’m sweaty and my hair is a mess. And I don’t look good in the photos that will become our memories... the battle is real!
I hope I can update you soon with a happier outlook. Or a before and after photo of the surgeries...I will at least write a little about the holiday (without depressing internal dilemmas) in the next post.
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