Making Babies

I stopped taking the pill when we returned from our Asian holiday in 2018 and I naively thought I’d be pregnant by Easter 2019. Easter came and went, and my cycles seemed to get more and more erratic every month. Who knew that little bleed I’d been experiencing every month since I started taking oral contraception 10 years earlier wasn’t a ‘period’, or that it might take a whole year for my cycle to return to ‘normal’? I can’t remember the last real period I had before starting contraception. I just assumed there was something wrong with me, and as each month went by, my hope of conception faded a little bit more. I went from having a normal (if medicated) 28-day cycle to at one point a cycle of 19 days followed by one of 58! That’s when I knew I needed to see my GP and start talking to people.

I was surprised at how relaxed my doctor was when I explained my situation but looking back, I shouldn’t have been. We had only been trying for just over six months, I had been on the pill for a relatively long time, and I was over 30. She did humor me and organised for bloods to be taken around predicted ovulation time each cycle until I could prove I was or wasn’t consistently ovulating. If I wasn’t, she would take more notice. My first blood result came up negative and the destructive self-talk a lot of us women are guilty of began, so when I got the results of the second attempt a few weeks later I was shocked to find my progesterone levels had spiked enough for a positive ovulation test. I wasn’t broken, but perhaps still on the mend. We continued trying to conceive over winter and eventually I delicately suggested to Grant that, for peace of mind, perhaps he too should see the doctor. He had smoked for many years and I know how big a factor this can be for male fertility. The locum he saw sounded nice enough from what I hear, but she had no idea that in Nelson, Medlab will only accept semen samples at their hospital location. Needless to say, 3 donations later and Grant was about done with plastic cups and awkward handovers.

In the beginning, trying to conceive is rather exciting, like buying a lotto ticket – will this be our lucky month? For almost a year we tried, and every month came up “Not a winning ticket”. That 58-day cycle was the worst! I think I took 3 pregnancy tests not knowing if my body was just playing tricks on me. I cried a lot seeing a negative result the third time. I started Googling (you don’t have to tell me how poor a move that was) all the ways to get pregnant; like exercising more, exercising less, taking these multi-vitamins, using that essential oil, I took my basal body temperature, entered all of my health and wellbeing data into two separate apps… and watched Youtube videos. Go watch a live pregnancy test to feel better about yourself, I dare you! It wasn’t until I started talking to real people, my friends and my mum, that I got some healthy and useful advice. Through a close friend who was also trying to conceive I learnt about Fertility Associates and the services they provide, including a free phone call with a nurse who chatted to me about my history, and what they can do to help, and a TV series made by TVNZ called Inconceivable, following a group of real New Zealand couples on their fertility journeys. I had my nurse call at work one quiet break and ended the call feeling positive knowing that after one year of trying unsuccessfully we could be referred for a free appointment to Fertility Associates to discuss our next options. There was help there, when and if the time came.

Around this same time, I decided to focus on planning for an end of year holiday around the South Island. I had something fun to look forward to and some helpful information in my back pocket. I stopped taking my temperature in the morning, watching Youtube videos, and I went to the gym because I enjoyed it, not because it would ‘help’. We love each other very much, but when trying for a baby, it can be easy to forget about each other, and just focus on the task at hand. You should always try to put each other first, if you make a baby as well that’s an extra bonus. The week we conceived, we put fun first, and baby just happened to come along too. it took a couple of weeks until we could test, but when I finally got my BFP (Big Fat Positive – as the internet folk call it) those two intersecting blue lines were bold and bright, there was no questioning the result.

Almost immediately after finding out, the first signs started to show, my boobs started to change (TMI?) and I was overwhelmed with fatigue every afternoon. I am so grateful I have never had morning sickness or the extreme nausea I know a lot of women are dealt with. It was hard to keep the news to myself; Grant is great with secrets; I love to share. But knowing we had a few weeks to get out of the ‘danger zone’ I managed in the end. Not to mention we had a couple of weeks away on holiday to hide my growing body. I assumed (wrong again), that my GP would refer me for another blood test when I revealed I’d had a positive pregnancy test, to confirm the fact. But she only referred me to have my own bloods checked. The pregnancy part was only confirmed once I’d found a midwife, and she referred me for my first ultra-sound. Note to all of the wannabe mums out there, you will give a lot of blood over your fertility journey, always drink lots of water beforehand, and if you’re a fainter like I have been, it’s best to tell the lab before they’re halfway through drawing blood!

Some women already know a midwife, someone their friend had used, or some like me, go to the find a midwife website and pick someone, based on a small photo and a short description, who will be their main carer for the pregnancy. Luckily I feel like I’ve picked pretty well based on all of the meetings I’ve had with Sian, who I picked based on the fact she looks to be of a similar (aka relatable) age, she has worked overseas (aka experience in different situations) and she has/likes dogs. That first scan I was super nervous – was I really pregnant? Grant squeezed my hand and I cried when we saw that tiny heartbeat on the monitor. We found out I was 8 weeks and 5 days along, and my due date was June 14^th, my birthday.

Our second scan at 13 weeks was held in December after two weeks away travelling. Getting to the appointment proved a bit of a mission after flooding had in the days earlier closed the top of the South Island off from the bottom and we had to change our planned route home. We had been sleeping in our roof tent in all kinds of weather, so were glad to be home – and especially excited to see our baby again. This time, we could actually see a formed fetus, not just a heartbeat. There were obvious limbs, and the radiographer captured a photo of the cutest little fist. The fact my jeans were too tight to wear anymore, or that sleep was interrupted by constant bathroom visits in the night, instantly became irrelevant. My mum made it to the scan which was great too – this will be her third grandbaby, my sister has twin girls.

By week 14 I thought we should start telling some people our news (we told our immediate family after the first scan), especially our work mates who would no doubt start to notice my growth soon enough. I (I don’t know why) got really nervous telling everyone in person – I think I felt like I was letting work down – but found sharing the news to friends via Messenger much easier, although sharing the news with friends still trying to conceive is never easy. It was like we didn’t really have to try that hard. But then compared to a lot of people we had a long wait. To us it seemed like forever. Hearing stories of people that have accidents or get pregnant first try, you realise some people are just more fertile than others. I’m also a big believer in timing, that everyone gets exactly what they need in life, when they need it. Now is Grant and I’s time. And with every baby thing we buy or do (like building the cot) the more real it feels. And now I’m feeling kicks!

At 20 weeks we had the anatomy scan, where all limbs and major organs are checked and we found out bubs is a boy! Now we can get some names written down and pick some boy stuff. From all accounts he is healthy and tall (what a surprise). My belly has started to grow quite a bit lately, and I feel especially big in the afternoon after I’ve eaten during the day. I think (hope) the rest of me hasn’t changed too much, but it’s hard not to feel like I’m getting fat. There’s not much I can do to change my growing appearance, but since the intense fatigue I suffered in the first trimester has mostly subsided, I have started a beginners yoga class and am doing some PT sessions at my beloved Whakatu HQ, and it feels good to use those muscles that had been on vacation for a few months again. My skin has been relatively clear, it’s just the body weight I worry about. I worry so much about weight around my face and neck. I just hope by the time bubs is born I will be confident enough to be in some photos.

Our little man at 20 weeks.

Next week I will be 22 weeks pregnant. Baby has started to kick, although I only seem to feel them around dinner time. My placenta is located just below my belly button, at the front, so is creating a kind of barrier to his movements. When I do feel them though it is just the best! We have a capsule (carseat) and a pram (thanks to mum and dad) on order, and a pile of newly acquired baby clothes. Everything is moving along nicely. This journey certainly hasn’t been easy, month after month of hoping for a positive test, to having to do the dishes sitting on a bar stool because standing was too tiring, and not to mention how overwhelming social media has been – please rely on real people that you know for advice and suggestions of what ‘things’ to buy. The internet has it’s place but don’t take it too seriously. Those people posting are earning money from your clicks.

I’m not sure if I’ll have any more scans (I love being able to see our little boy), but I’ll find out at my next midwife appointment next week. We have antenatal classes coming up and have to discuss a birth plan – eek! Bring on the third trimester – we cannot wait to meet our miracle.