March 23, 2020

I chose to take today off work; I’ve got a bit of a cough (nothing too serious, no other symptoms) and didn’t want to scare or harm anyone in my team by barking a couple of times every hour. I had intended to be back at my desk tomorrow. Turns out I won’t be back to work for quite some time as this afternoon our Prime Minister may have ended my job as I know it until next year.

Jacinda lets be honest, I don’t like all of your policies, but I must admit you are a bloody great prime minister when the shit hits the fan. You speak honestly and firmly, but in such a way that we are reassured, you know what you are doing. Today I watched as you announced a total shut down of our country, to prevent the spread of Covid-19, and the way I live my life (the way we all do) for at least the next month. We aren’t to be the social creatures Kiwis naturally are, we aren’t to go out in public or go to the gym, no movie and pizza nights, and I can’t pop by mum and dad’s place for a weekend catch up. We are now all home bodies unless accessing essential services. I miss my folks just thinking about it.

I will work from home the best I can, with the hope that after the four weeks are up I may return to my desk waiting for me, empty at Port Nelson. But if necessary I will not return until May 2021, when my maternity leave ends. Yup that’s right, I’m pregnant. 28 weeks today in fact. I was supposed to be at work until the end of week 36...

I don’t know if it’s the hormones, but when I heard of the lockdown I wanted to cry. I feel a little scared. Will my baby be born into a sick society? Can we still go to the hospital to deliver you? My antenatal classes are sure to be cancelled as the venue is closed, and I don’t even know if I can see my midwife in a couple of days as planned - how does she asses me from 2m away? My chiropractor is also closed - I was REALLY looking forward to being adjusted this week to help counter the terrible sleeps I’ve been having from hip pain.

Having a baby is supposed to be exciting, to me it feels like the worst timing to be pregnant. Like I’m going to miss out on the fun things (is that selfish?). My beautiful friend in Wellington was going to organise a baby shower, but how do we do that anymore? Photographers won’t be working so there goes my idea of a wee family photo shoot to capture my big old belly. How do I celebrate my last day with a team smoko shout if we aren’t allowed in the smoko room together? And what happens if baby comes when we’re in lockdown? I have so many questions. 

Perhaps I’m just being reactive. Should I just try to think about other things? Plenty of time to adjust... I feel for all new and soon to be new mama at this time. I haven’t met my baby yet but he is my number one priority. All I want to know is that he will be ok. I’ve already heard sirens outside and seen photos of people lined up outside supermarkets and pharmacies. It’s only natural to want to gather supplies for our families but we must trust that everything will be ok. Ignoring the warnings of our government not to overwhelm shops & services will do no good. 

We are all in this together. Speaking of which, please reach out to each other, make sure your loved ones are doing ok. I know I’d love a phone call or a txt every now and then. And if you know more on the subject please let me know what you do about maternity care during this time, I thought I’d wait a little while before contacting my midwife, I’m sure she is already overwhelmed with questions!